How to Combat the Blame Game
Our incessant habit of blaming — instead of being radically self-honest — is one of the main reasons people are finding it hard to flourish in today’s modern world
Is combating anything the long-term approach if we want humans to evolve into a happy, healthy and peaceful species? Remember the fights you have had with family members, especially your children: how did you feel after? Did it leave you feeling like you accomplished something productive and ready for the next fight? The simple answer is: No. You might like the feeling that comes with being proved ‘right’, but what about the more common scenario when no conclusion is found?
Often the anger, shame and guilt lingers in the air for days, weeks or even years. Sometimes they never really leave. Often, it isn’t long before frustration and resentment fills the air again. You feel an argument is only minutes or hours away. You know what not to say or do, but you can’t seem to do anything about it. Before you know it, you are in another fight. When will it stop?
Like my clients, you probably do everything you can to reduce these combative moments. You learn to control your emotions and even walk on eggshells trying your best to not upset anyone. But again, it isn’t long before you are back in the all too familiar place. It begs the question: is control, avoidance and fighting the best long-term strategy for a peaceful and happy life? If we addressed the foundational reason we get stressed, mad, disappointed and resentful, then we wouldn’t need energy-intensive control or avoidance strategies at all.
I outline an alternative approach in my new book: the blame game: how to recover from the world’s oldest addiction.
Others reveal your honest emotional state
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