What is blame addiction?

Do you think you blame too much? Maybe you, like many others, haven’t even given it a second thought. You might be thinking what’s wrong with blame? Isn’t blame a normal part of life? It is harmless right?

I definitely didn’t pay it any attention for the first three decades of my life. I lived on auto pilot, unaware I was blaming in just about every conversation I had. I didn’t understand the role I played on how my life turned out. I was always quick to find the perpetrator for why I thought I was being held back and unhappy. Often I didn’t have to look much further than myself.

Sometimes the perpetrator wasn’t even human. I would wake up in the morning with a stiff neck or tight back and immediately blame the pillow or bed. I was convinced my perfectly good pillow and bed, that had served me well all year, went bad overnight. I am not saying we don’t need new ones now and then, but it isn’t them that change over night, it is us.

Back then I didn’t realise being in the blame mindset limits my solutions - either cope for as long as you can or get a new one.

The question is, how many pillows did it take me before I realised the pillow wasn't the issue? Quite a few. I didn’t realise it was the argument I had with my girlfriend, or my fear around money etc that meant I want to bed tense. It is the same with our partners and bosses. How many do we need before we realise it isn’t them that needs to self-reflect and heal, it is us.

It might seem obvious when it is pointed out, but that is one of the issues with blame, we don’t see what is hiding in plain sight. We don’t see our contribution to what happens in our life, so we get used to taking less and less responsibility for it.

Blame is no longer a game, it is an addiction

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